Beer Pong & Boundaries
For those of you who have been worried about me in China: thank you, you should have been. The first 4-5 months here, I basically worked myself into a frenzy by over-prepping for work. Probably this has a lot to do with my lack of control in literally every part of my life besides how my powerpoints looked for class. On top of that, I was subsisting on the strangest things. Although China is probably the foody-est paradise on earth, it isn't exactly well set-up for vegetarians. When I arrived, I found the one dish that I could eat on campus and ate it all the time. Then, I discovered the one 'vegetarian' food stall in a nearby canteen and ate from that too. (I late found out it wasn't actually vegetarian). I never once cooked myself a meal in the first 5 months in China. This wasn't because I didn't want to but because my kitchen is the size of a fetal pig and I was afraid I'd explode myself using a hotplate.
On top of this, I was hanging out with people who made me uncomfortable, for no real reason, maybe because I thought I should? For cultural exchange? I dunno.
I don't know what happened between December and February, but my life dramatically changed within that interval. Well, actually I do know. Dani, and then Cuong, visited me, and then I went to the Philippines. Thanks guys! (And Philippines!). In different ways, they both boosted my spirits immensely. Through wanting to be a good host, I figured out some important stuff about daily life and getting around Wuhan, which made my life a lot easier. I learned how to use a hotplate although I remain mystified of it. (Why can there not be a way to turn down the intensity so that it doesn't burn everything the moment it is turned on? Why?). Besides these practical things, some mental or emotional tectonic plate broke loose in my brain and shifted into a more aligned position. I had that train epiphany back in November, and I guess it just kept on coming.
This term, my mindset is different. I almost feel guilty writing about this, because capitalism teaches us that not working ourselves into a catatonic panic attack is a sign of weakness. So, I feel soft and deviant and almost embarrassed to admit that my mindset has mostly been about not working hard. It's a vast unlearning to undertake, especially when it includes shaking the serpentine stranglehold that perfectionism has on me. But those two things I must shake off because they serve no one, least of all myself.
Living in China is a little like living in US, if you only focus on the work and study culture. Kids here have it even worse. If you don't know about China's college entrance exams that they take in high school, look them up now (Gao Kao Exams). This exam is so high stakes that much of high school (and middle school) is catered towards them. When students are finished with them and safely shipped off to college, they exhale, expecting to now easily fit into the slower, more relaxed flow of life. College is surprisingly a lot harder than most of them expect (college is widely regarded to be easier than the torture of high school.) Time is Money, in China. Professors hustle to publish, just like they do in the states. Students struggle to feel like whole individuals after focusing on one thing for so long. Parents stress about their kids' academics from an early age; it never stops.
Against the background of this intense, workaholic/studyuntilyousleep kind of culture, I am doing my best impersonation of a renaissance person. The long, gentle process of divorcing my self-value from work or productivity. With still the same amount of duties, I'm re-orienting my days towards the prioritization of self-growth. Long walks, cooking delicious food, and connecting to loves back home take precedent over work. Exercise, reading, meditation and journaling are priorities. In other words, I'm essentially a playful Buddhist monk who teaches English on the side. (Someone recently asked me what I would do in another life and I immediately replied, without thinking, "be a monk.")
It's nearly impossible to discover who you are in such a frenetic capitalist country as the US, let alone measure your self-worth. Ironically, I'm finding that time and space in China. I had NO idea the extent to which I am such a happily solitary creature. Which reminds me of another thing I've been doing in China: creating boundaries! The two unlearnings seem to serve as midwives for each other; the more I laugh at my perfectionism/productivity mindset, the easier it is to naturally form boundaries where I need them. Boundaries are something I didn't think I deserved. The more my innate sense of self-worth returns to me, the more confident I feel in my right to have boundaries. I have always intuitively believed in holding sacred the space between individuals, in honoring one's own innate wholeness. I deeply believed this- not only in theory- but I couldn't extend this conviction into my own life. I've always craved that space that nods to my wholeness, but I somehow couldn't believe that I deserved it. Wholeness and boundaries: nearly an oxymoron when put together, no? To me, they are one and the same. To receive and nurture my wholeness, I need to carve out my own space, an idea that Virginia Woolf advocated for in "A Room of One's Own" so many years ago.
It turns out a lot of men are very uncomfortable with women who have boundaries, as I'm finding out through interactions with people I barely know here (but who nonetheless have a lot to say about what I need!). It's always assumed that men deserve time and space to pursue their goals; on the other hand, it's suspicious when a woman claims the same right. I've never once had to defend my introversion to a woman.
In other news, Wuhan is bursting into a triumphant spring; men, women, boys, and girls are competing for best selfies in front of the cherry blossoms trees on campus. Not to be outdone, I tried my hand at it too:
Yesterday, I celebrated spring by eating a chocolate bar from Kazakhstan, which is something I'd never done before. The chocolate was 'chased' by some delightful cookies that are disguised as heart-healthy snacks.
I'm teaching American culture this semester and every class, I have a different group of students present about any topic within American culture. It has yielded incredibly funny results!
The topic last week was "Bad Boys and Bad Girls."
The best part of this presentation was when the students explained beer bong and then demonstrated it using volunteers.
Once my class started actively playing beerpong, I thought, "Well, it's been nice teaching here." Happily, students had decided to forgo actual alcohol in favor of creating nasty mixtures of different beverages (juice with redbull with milk tea, etc). The students led a discussion afterwards, in which it soon became apparent that most of them regarded Americans, and especially college students, as drunken barbarians. The presentation ended with a nicely balanced speech that implored the class to open their minds to parties yet to exercise caution and prioritize their education over the American style of drunken bacchanalia.
I think my favorite presentation, however, was this one:
At the beginning of the term, I took a poll to see how students saw US culture in a word, which you can see below:
Pretty interesting. I'm glad that beer pong didn't top the list.
In another post soon, I want to lovingly record my family's recent visit to China. It deserves a blog of its own. In short, their visit is another reason behind my good spirits. I'm so glad they came.
I'd like to leave you with a real-life image of what people do in Ikeas in China. When Ikea came to China, wires got crossed, memos were altogether missed, and the Swedish spirit was sublimated into...well, napping. Yep, people of all ages go to Ikea to pass out on their fluffy beds and couches.
Until next time,
Ils
On top of this, I was hanging out with people who made me uncomfortable, for no real reason, maybe because I thought I should? For cultural exchange? I dunno.
I don't know what happened between December and February, but my life dramatically changed within that interval. Well, actually I do know. Dani, and then Cuong, visited me, and then I went to the Philippines. Thanks guys! (And Philippines!). In different ways, they both boosted my spirits immensely. Through wanting to be a good host, I figured out some important stuff about daily life and getting around Wuhan, which made my life a lot easier. I learned how to use a hotplate although I remain mystified of it. (Why can there not be a way to turn down the intensity so that it doesn't burn everything the moment it is turned on? Why?). Besides these practical things, some mental or emotional tectonic plate broke loose in my brain and shifted into a more aligned position. I had that train epiphany back in November, and I guess it just kept on coming.
This term, my mindset is different. I almost feel guilty writing about this, because capitalism teaches us that not working ourselves into a catatonic panic attack is a sign of weakness. So, I feel soft and deviant and almost embarrassed to admit that my mindset has mostly been about not working hard. It's a vast unlearning to undertake, especially when it includes shaking the serpentine stranglehold that perfectionism has on me. But those two things I must shake off because they serve no one, least of all myself.
Living in China is a little like living in US, if you only focus on the work and study culture. Kids here have it even worse. If you don't know about China's college entrance exams that they take in high school, look them up now (Gao Kao Exams). This exam is so high stakes that much of high school (and middle school) is catered towards them. When students are finished with them and safely shipped off to college, they exhale, expecting to now easily fit into the slower, more relaxed flow of life. College is surprisingly a lot harder than most of them expect (college is widely regarded to be easier than the torture of high school.) Time is Money, in China. Professors hustle to publish, just like they do in the states. Students struggle to feel like whole individuals after focusing on one thing for so long. Parents stress about their kids' academics from an early age; it never stops.
Against the background of this intense, workaholic/studyuntilyousleep kind of culture, I am doing my best impersonation of a renaissance person. The long, gentle process of divorcing my self-value from work or productivity. With still the same amount of duties, I'm re-orienting my days towards the prioritization of self-growth. Long walks, cooking delicious food, and connecting to loves back home take precedent over work. Exercise, reading, meditation and journaling are priorities. In other words, I'm essentially a playful Buddhist monk who teaches English on the side. (Someone recently asked me what I would do in another life and I immediately replied, without thinking, "be a monk.")
It's nearly impossible to discover who you are in such a frenetic capitalist country as the US, let alone measure your self-worth. Ironically, I'm finding that time and space in China. I had NO idea the extent to which I am such a happily solitary creature. Which reminds me of another thing I've been doing in China: creating boundaries! The two unlearnings seem to serve as midwives for each other; the more I laugh at my perfectionism/productivity mindset, the easier it is to naturally form boundaries where I need them. Boundaries are something I didn't think I deserved. The more my innate sense of self-worth returns to me, the more confident I feel in my right to have boundaries. I have always intuitively believed in holding sacred the space between individuals, in honoring one's own innate wholeness. I deeply believed this- not only in theory- but I couldn't extend this conviction into my own life. I've always craved that space that nods to my wholeness, but I somehow couldn't believe that I deserved it. Wholeness and boundaries: nearly an oxymoron when put together, no? To me, they are one and the same. To receive and nurture my wholeness, I need to carve out my own space, an idea that Virginia Woolf advocated for in "A Room of One's Own" so many years ago.
It turns out a lot of men are very uncomfortable with women who have boundaries, as I'm finding out through interactions with people I barely know here (but who nonetheless have a lot to say about what I need!). It's always assumed that men deserve time and space to pursue their goals; on the other hand, it's suspicious when a woman claims the same right. I've never once had to defend my introversion to a woman.
In other news, Wuhan is bursting into a triumphant spring; men, women, boys, and girls are competing for best selfies in front of the cherry blossoms trees on campus. Not to be outdone, I tried my hand at it too:
Yesterday, I celebrated spring by eating a chocolate bar from Kazakhstan, which is something I'd never done before. The chocolate was 'chased' by some delightful cookies that are disguised as heart-healthy snacks.
I'm teaching American culture this semester and every class, I have a different group of students present about any topic within American culture. It has yielded incredibly funny results!
The topic last week was "Bad Boys and Bad Girls."
The students told us how American parents love when their children get drunk, have boyfriends, get weird piercings, and dye their hair at age 12.
Another week, students presented about "American Parties." According to their research, there are several different types of American parties, including: Cocktail parties, brown bag parties (?), theme parties, bachelor parties, and potlucks (which students seemed especially confused about). Listen carefully to this student explain bachelor parties:
I think my favorite presentation, however, was this one:
At the beginning of the term, I took a poll to see how students saw US culture in a word, which you can see below:
Pretty interesting. I'm glad that beer pong didn't top the list.
In another post soon, I want to lovingly record my family's recent visit to China. It deserves a blog of its own. In short, their visit is another reason behind my good spirits. I'm so glad they came.
I'd like to leave you with a real-life image of what people do in Ikeas in China. When Ikea came to China, wires got crossed, memos were altogether missed, and the Swedish spirit was sublimated into...well, napping. Yep, people of all ages go to Ikea to pass out on their fluffy beds and couches.
Until next time,
Ils
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