initations, part 1.5

Her goal in life, of course, was to open herself up to the universe.  Her life, ideally an enfolding process, where she starts out like a tough impenetrable little nut and unfolds slowly towards the ideal surface area to volume ratio.  A heavenly shape.  Where she absorbs as much of the universe as possible while at the same time secreting her own inner radiance outwards from herself.  She gauges herself to be somewhere in between a peanut and universal love right now.  Perhaps roughly the shape of a cut-out doll.  Still not completely expansive, or even realistic.  Flat, after all.  She is mimicking her end goal.  But, it’s not real yet.  It’s a sad, simpering version of the loving universal being she so longs to be.  She’s a flimsy thing that young girls cut out from plastic books, play with vividly for 2 weeks, and then accidentally throw away in the recycling along with cheerio boxes.